


I Love You In A Different Way

by Prince_Hel



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: (though it might be considered sad for some), Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Bittersweet Ending, Established Relationship, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, The Major Character Death Goes In Plural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 21:28:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14756630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prince_Hel/pseuds/Prince_Hel
Summary: Carol and Therese have to deal with the end of the world, something that can be somehow easy when you have a reason to fight for. The problem comes when everything is lost.





	I Love You In A Different Way

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, you guys!
> 
> I hope this is the first and only time I write a long ass note like this one, you soon will realize why, lol.
> 
> I was inadvertently challenged to write this story ─ someone told me that I wouldn’t be capable to do something like this and my proud ego didn’t take that well. Though for so long I thought they were right because I started to write this story over a year ago and I sincerely thought I was never going to finish it. Until one day I was talking to one of you, telling I wouldn’t do certain things in a fic (I wholeheartedly meant it back then) and my brain was like ‘are you so sure about that?’ bringing back the inspiration for this story. I have told you guys, my brain it’s a little sh*t.
> 
> This story still has my familiar signature, full of fluffiness but the end it’s very different from the ones you are accustomed to read from me. I personally don’t see it as a sad ending but perhaps not everyone will agree. So be aware of the warnings and tags because I don’t want you to have a bad time reading if you are triggered by any of those things only because I’m the author and you don’t miss any of my stories.
> 
> [Carol’s voice] That’s that.

 

* * *

   

 **I.-**   

 

The first time everything went to hell was unexpected but at the same time, it wasn’t. After the mysterious vibe with the media ─ who was trying not to create a pandemonium ─ only the people in denial didn’t want to believe that something huge and terrible was happening. But when the biggest and most important hospital of the city was quarantined, they couldn’t keep the facade standing.

You always hear about it ─ the end of the world as you know it, but you never actually believe it’s going to happen while you are still part of it, and when it does … there’s nothing you can do about it beyond ‘get used to it’ if death isn’t your way to go. It’s true what you see in the movies, tv shows or video games for that matter, everything becomes a chaos and people … they really lose their humanity pretty quickly, either by taking the motto of ‘the survival of the fittest’ or by losing their minds after watching their loved ones die.

When everything happened, Carol and Therese were in their respective jobs and that had been their nightmare. Not that the world was turning into a real living hell but the fact that they couldn’t know how the other was. The communication was lost faster than expected (although by taking the long silence of the beginning which was when it all started, it couldn’t be considered ‘faster’) and the authority figures weren’t allowing people to leave the buildings they were in, in a delusional attempt to maintain everything in order.

Nine days (although they felt like months), nine days passed before they had the opportunity to leave and made their way back to their apartment, hoping- no, _expecting_ to find the other because they wouldn’t believe in the possibility of a different outcome. They knew the other would do whatever it was necessary in order to be reunited once again, to be able to feel the warmth of their bodies while they hold it in their arms and feel their soft lips against their own one more time.

Therese learned to be sneaky while she walked in the streets, not wanting to call the attention of the people or the new creatures that now wandered on Earth. Carol resorted to a different tactic, her ability to sweet talk people still resulting useful because it could be the end of the world but it was hard to resist a woman like her. She also knew that she would do anything to protect Therese, reason why she didn’t think twice to pick up a metal pipe and use it whenever it was necessary. The first time she actually used it, it was with one of those creatures but it was as shocking as if it had been a human because in the past, that was exactly what it had been. Carol lost valuable time after that first time. Not able to tear her gaze away from the corpse at her feet, her body shaking uncontrollably until she couldn’t control her queasiness anymore, emptying her stomach next to the body.

The young woman was the first one to arrive at their penthouse, calling Carol’s name over and over again, not even paying attention to the fact that the place was dreadfully untidy after being thoroughly inspected with the things people hadn’t found useful, broken or upside down, breaking down in sobs when there was no answer. She spent the next two days in a dissociated state, although part of her mind was fighting so hard to make her react, to convince her that Carol was still alive somewhere. But on the morning of the third day, when she was pondering what was the point anymore after corroborating that this was the last meal she would have because what she had taken from her jaunt from her job to the apartment had finished, she heard it, even though her first thought was that she finally had lost her mind.

“Angel?” The exhaustion was painfully clear in her voice and she had spoken so low that Therese was only able to hear it because the silence was a default setting now.

Therese turned around slowly, afraid that her mind was indeed playing tricks with her but there she was, as beautiful as ever even when her skin was dirty, her clothes disheveled and stains of blood could be seen in some parts of her, although there wasn’t any visible wound. Therese sprinted towards her and Carol dropped the weapon that had been practically attached to her hand these last days, wrapping her arms around her wife’s waist and lifting her from the ground while she hugged her by the neck, hiding her face against her neck when the tears flowed freely from her eyes, this time of relieved joy.

 

* * *

 

_Carol was trying so hard to remain still but the thrill of the moment was making it impossible. Therese and she had been planning this day since the moment they decided to get married which had been a week ago. There hadn’t even been a proposition ─ the subject, strangely coming out naturally when they were cuddling, still fighting to normalize their breathing after making love._

_They had been together for three years and living together since two. Marriage was never brought it up because it wasn’t something necessary for them. They loved each other and had chosen to spend the rest of their life together, a ceremony wouldn’t change that. But when Therese blurted out the words_ “let’s get married” _as smooth as if she was proposing to go to the cinema, Carol didn’t even think in contradicting her because even if marriage wasn’t a priority to them, it wasn’t something they would reject since they saw it as a way to celebrate their love and scream it to the world._

_It resulted easy and quick to plan because they agreed in not needing a huge ceremony, only wanting to share that special day with the people who matter the most, resulting on a guest list of less than ten people._

_Abby surprised them (and for a brief moment Carol seriously considered to finish their friendship) when she rejected Carol’s request of being her ‘best woman’. Therese only dared to stop her fiancée's rant when she caught the already familiar way Abby’s eyes shine when she was behaving mischievously and it was enough to put her hand on Carol’s forearm, squeezing with intent, to calm her so she gave her friend a chance to explain herself. That’s how Abby ended up being the one who would officiate the ceremony after assuring them she would get an official license, claiming it was only fair after having a seat in the front row of their love story since the very beginning and the couple knew she was being sarcastic with the last part because they hadn’t had an easy first time encounter._

_Therese still couldn’t understand how Carol felt attracted to her since the moment she saw her when she practically hurricaned her way into her business, not caring about the other customers and complaining out loud since the moment she crossed the door about a deliver been the wrong one when they claimed to be the best of their work line. It wasn’t an excuse but Therese’s mood wasn’t entirely her fault ─ her boss (for who in fact was the most comfortable chair it could ever exist) had taken her as a verbal punching bag, as if it was her fault that the order was wrong when he was the one who signed the form. But when you worked as an assistant, it was your task to fix every single disaster. It also didn’t help at all that it started raining on her way here and of course, she wasn’t carrying an umbrella._

_There was a deafening silence when Therese paused to take a deep breath and finally paid attention, her face turning completely red when she realized that she wasn’t addressing the person with whom she spoke over the phone. Instead, she was facing two women, one who was looking at her with surprise and amusement (because seeing a small woman that seemed to be more adorable and shy than feisty wasn’t an image you saw every day) and the other that was watching her enthralled as if she was looking at some sort of deity._

_The young woman didn’t even apologize when she was already turning around to make her way out of the local, only to be stopped by someone holding her by the wrist. When she turned her head to look, her eyes locked with a beautiful pair of grey ones that were looking at her with overwhelming gentleness. After introducing herself (and of course Therese had to yell at the owner), Carol took her to her office, handing her a towel so she could dry herself while she apologized for the troubles, though Therese was sure it wasn’t Carol’s fault because that woman screamed perfection in every sense._

_Carol asked her out the very same day and Therese ─ only because she was really embarrassed after her first impression ─ refused. It took Carol a while to convince her that she was sincerely interested in her and that it wasn’t just an invitation for pity. Abby teased her friend endlessly because it was the first time she saw Carolyn Ross groveling when the normal was that other people did it because of her._

_“Why are you so nervous? It’s not like she’s not going to show up.” Abby took the champagne glass Therese’s friend, Dannie, handed her, smiling at him as thanks._

_“I’m not nervous, you nitwit, I’m thrilled, there’s a big difference.” Carol looked around, nodding at the guests whenever her eyes locked with theirs. They decided to do the ceremony in the penthouse because they wanted it to be a cozy moment instead of something to show off._

_“And where is your soon to be wife?” She also looked around, as if she was looking for Therese when in fact she was searching for someone else._

_“She’s with your wife, who’s helping her to get ready. How it’s even possible you don’t know where your wife is?” She turned her attention back to her friend, lifting an eyebrow with curiosity._

_“Well, excuse me for deciding to come to you when we arrived to help you with whatever was necessary.” She frowned, pretending to be offended._

_“Helping me with what exactly? I was ready when you arrived.”_

_“Yeah well, it’s easy to get ready when you decide to not go with the normal standards to dress for a wedding.” Her eyes traveled her friend’s body from head to toe. Carol wore white dress pants with a long blouse of the same color. The silk gathered at one shoulder and draped down to her knees. It was elegantly designed, almost like delicate scarves draped around her body ending in an uneven hem. Her left arm was bare and her right covered with the soft fabric. Her long legs looking impossibly longer with the killer high-heels she had chosen to finish her look._

_“And I’m sure you are grateful for that.” She knew very well that Abby loathed extravagances._

_There was a soft commotion, making them diverted their attention from each other. Carol saw Genevieve first, who was smiling happily and pulling someone (it was obvious that it was Therese since she had been with her) by the arm. Carol couldn’t see her at first since the other young woman was walking in front of her but when she took a glance, she had to reach to hold Abby’s arm because she felt her knees wobbling._

_Therese decided to go with a wedding dress, keeping it simple and elegant. It was like she was wearing two dresses, the first was a simple white fabric sheath that hugged her curves. It was strapless and the hem came down to her mid-thigh. Over it was a sheer floral lace, free-flowing dress with long sleeves, a scooped neckline, and a breezy generous skirt that ended just above her knees. Carol was always in a constant state of wonder because for her, Therese was simply stunning and that never changed, no matter what, but of course she had to follow the cliche of finding her more gorgeous than ever on their wedding day to the point her eyes filled with tears, feeling like she was going to pass out at any moment._

_When Therese’s eyes search for Carol, the latter was able to appreciate the way they shined with emotion after catching the sight of her and the moment their eyes met, Carol’s heart pounded furiously, unable to wait one more second, coaxing her to make her way towards her with the young woman meeting her halfway because she was also feeling the same desperation of being together. Carol cupped Therese’s face between her hands while she leaned down to brush their lips before kissing her demandingly as the young woman held her possessively by the waist. Not even Abby teasing them by saying that this was supposed to happen after the ceremony was able to pull them apart._

 

* * *

 

Therese’s hand was over Carol’s chest, feeling her heartbeats and trying not to fall asleep although her wife told her to do that. It had been six days since their reencounter and they were able to stay there because Carol brought supplies with her, trying to get used to the new normal, but now they were running out and that was filling them with stress. Neither wanted to say a word out loud but both knew it was time to leave this place, not only because they needed to find more food and whatever it could be useful, but also because there had been unusual activity in the surroundings, thing that hadn’t happened before and Carol didn’t want to take any risk in vain.

“We are leaving tomorrow,” she whispered, knowing that Therese was awake but keeping her voice low because they needed to be aware of other things.

Sighing resignedly, she curled up closer to her, burying her face in her wife’s neck. “All right.”

“I wish it could be different, darling,” she nuzzled Therese’s hair before placing a comforting kiss at the top of her head because she knew it was hard for her.

“No, it’s- it’s not your fault, Carol.” She moved to make eye contact. “As long as I’m with you, the rest doesn’t matter. Yes, this is our house, the one we both chose when we decided to live together and where we got married ─ we have spent so many significant moments here but this is just something material. I’ll always take with me what’s more important.” She smiled fondly, removing her hand from the woman’s chest to caress her face. “And that’s you.”

Carol’s smile wavered and when she felt her eyes filling with tears, she placed her hand on Therese’s head, prompting her to rest it against her chest. She was trying so hard to remain strong for her that she was bottling everything up and it was hard to keep doing it when her wife was saying all those things and looking at her like that. Therese wept as never before when she found herself in Carol’s arms again ─ it hadn’t been only the relief of being together, but also because reality hit her hard. Their lives had collapsed completely, giving way to a harsh and terrible fresh start. The hardest part was that they didn’t have a clue of what could have happened with their friends.

Carol was grateful that Therese allowed herself to vent because she didn’t want her carrying that burden but she didn’t want to give herself the same reward because she felt that if she did, she wasn’t going to be able to pull herself back together afterward. And for the way Therese refused her gesture and pouted, she knew she hadn’t been able to fool her during the previous days.

“Don’t do this to me, Therese,” she begged, pursing her lips and for a moment, she turned her gaze away from that concerned look but after a few seconds, she felt Therese’s fingers in her jaw, turning her face back in her direction.

“You are asking me something impossible, Carol. I cannot not care for you.” She slung a leg over her waist to straddle her, resting her body against hers. “I know you are worried and scared, you don’t have to pretend with me. I don’t want you to do that only to protect me.”

“But I-” she was cut off by fingers on her lips.

“You are my strength Carol, that’s true, but I'm supposed to be yours too,” she reminded her softly.

“And you are, Therese, if it weren’t for you, I don’t think I would have come this far.” There was a silence where they let the words sink in. They were aware of how much the other meant for them, but admitting out loud was a first.

“Reason why you don’t have to pretend this is not affecting you. Carol, I’m not going to stop seeing you as the strongest woman I know if you allow yourself to be vulnerable with me. We never had walls between us before and I don’t want them now or ever.” Her lower lip quivered slightly. “The real world went to hell, there’s nothing we can do about that besides deal with it ─ but you are my world and I refuse to let that one go to hell.”

Carol wasn’t able to keep it together anymore. The tears started to run freely, turning into sobs very quickly and Therese pulled herself up, but remain straddling her, to then do the same with Carol to be able to hug her tightly. The woman immediately wrapped her arms around Therese’s waist, resting her forehead on her shoulder. She cried for being an idiot these last days and try to be something her wife didn’t need and therefore, upsetting her during her stubborn phase. She cried for the unpredictability of the present because they wouldn’t be able to live a tranquil life anymore ─ most likely having to live on the edge if they wanted to survive. She mourned for the past and all they lost along with it and at that moment, images of their friends appear on her mind, making her cry harder and clung desperately at Therese due to the unknown of their status.

Therese was crying too but in a calmer way, comforting her wife by kissing her way from her temple to her forehead while she rubbed her back up and down with one hand, the other running through the blonde locks in soft motions because she knew what she was thinking about, she had been there and almost every day she wondered if they were okay. When Carol calmed down a bit, she pulled back and Therese smiled reassuringly when their eyes met, holding her face in her hands gently before leaning down and kiss her.

None of them say a word for the rest of the night, going back to lie down on the mattress in each other's arms, exchanging sweet kisses and caresses, wanting to take advantage of the last moment of assured privacy before having to give up on their house and venture into the new world.

 

* * *

 

_Therese was frowning as she waited for the bartender to hand her the drinks she had requested, looking at Carol’s direction. They had been dating for three months now and it was odd they went out to fancy places like the one they were currently in it but Therese supposed they needed to expand their options beyond their houses and public places where they could be alone. No matter how much she wanted to, they couldn’t avoid the rest of the world forever._

_It was selfish, she knew, to want Carol all to herself and in her fear of looking like a possessive girlfriend, she had been the one suggesting they went to a bar. Carol was the one who chose where to go since it wasn’t brand new information that compared to Therese, she was the kind of woman who habituated to set a foot in this kind of places. It was beyond clear when some people greeted her the moment they were aware it was her._

_Therese didn’t have a problem with that, she understood very well the appealing Carol had; she was gorgeous, charming and witty ─ it was also impossible to have a problem with it when the woman had kissed her temple, an arm wrapped around her waist, making quite clear to the rest that she was so much more than a friend. But when some people purposefully ignored what it was in front of them just because it didn’t work out at their convenience, it was simply unavoidable to get peeved._

_It had been clear for Therese since the first moment the man came closer that he was attracted to Carol, not dissimulating the slightest even when Therese was right there. Not even Carol’s loving gestures directed at her were making a difference but Therese only counted to ten, not wanting to make a scene because after all, the man wasn’t doing anything bad. He might be disrespectful and teasing Therese’s patience but he wasn’t crossing a line. That was until he dared to place his hand on Carol’s thigh. But what made Therese react without thinking twice was the upset expression in Carol’s face — a resignation that made more than clear that this wasn’t the first time some man didn’t respect her wishes, stupidly thinking that only because they were the ‘stronger sex’ they have some sort of right._

_Forgetting entirely about the drinks, Therese walked back to the table. She could feel her blood boiling inside her but when she was close enough, she didn’t react in either of the ways she was picturing during her way there; instead, the moment she was close enough, she wrapped her fingers around the man’s wrist, pulling it away from her girlfriend’s leg, making force enough to make him gasp in surprise, dragging his attention (and Carol’s) to her._

_“I have had enough of you, buddy,” she was whispering, but there was an undeniable coldness in her tone so out of character. “You have done nothing but disrespect us since the moment you came close.” She tightened her hold, knowing that she wasn’t strong enough to cause a real damage but she would definitely convey her message. “Personally, I can deal with it but when you put my girlfriend in the line …” she trailed off, smiling coldly._

_The presumptuous man quickly recovered his composure, smiling mockingly. “I didn’t do anything she wouldn’t welcome with the message she was sending me. Perhaps you should learn to read her better.”_

_Therese could feel Carol stiffing since the left side of her body was making contact with hers. “Pathetic how egomaniac a man can be that he has to force himself into a woman that is clearly expressing her disgust in order to feel better about himself.” She turned her head to look at Carol, smiling tenderly when they made eye contact though the woman could see the fire in the green eyes. “Also, even if she was straight, which in case it still isn’t clear for you because you can be pretty dense, she isn’t, she is too much of a woman for a poor excuse of a man like you.” Therese narrowed her eyes pointedly when she looked back at the man, moving closer to Carol, who immediately understanding, wrapped an arm around the thin waist, smiling happily when she felt the most tender kiss on her temple._

_They were drawing the attention of some people around, a thing that wasn’t a big deal for the women but when the man noticed, he quickly stood up, not concealing his anger with the way he frowned and his parting words. “Fucking dykes.”_

_Therese closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, finally able to relax, slowly letting Carol go. “Darling, I didn’t- I would never-” she was silenced by Therese’s soft lips on hers, kissing her one, two, three times before pulling back._

_“I know, I know. I would never, ever, trust in someone else over you, Carol.” She held her face in her hands, thumbing her cheeks. “Not only I trust you but I know how you are and you no longer need to deal with things like that.” She grimaced. “You actually never needed to but you can be the most polite woman sometimes,” she smiled affectionately, “preferring to deal with uncomfortableness instead of making a scene.” Suddenly all the softness morphed into harshness. “But I can’t accept that Carol, I would never allow someone to hurt you, in no way.”_

_Carol held her breath, biting her lower lip with emotion before launching forward, wrapping an arm around Therese’s neck while her other hand slid through the dark locks, pulling her towards hers to join their lips to kiss her girlfriend lingeringly, slow strokes filled with sentiment, wanting to convey in that way that she believed Therese’s words and most importantly, how safe and secure they made her feel._

 

* * *

 

Carol wasn’t sure if it was something good that Therese and she were able to get used to their new life relatively fast. Yes, it sucked and of course that if someone gave them the chance to choose, they would pick what it used to be without thinking twice. But that choice wasn’t a possibility anymore and they endured it ─ they moved forward, adjusting day after day, learning from their mistakes because they couldn’t allow them now that their lives could be the price to pay.

They had adopted their role without even discussing it between each other. Carol handling the part of killing the creatures and all the sweet-talking when they came across with other people while Therese scavenged whatever place they ended up staying for the night or if they were lucky ─ a few days, with the other woman always close because Carol would never allow her to get away from her sight. Carol was glad that her wife accepted it without a question, not because she thought she would be incapable of taking a weapon and use it, but that protective side of her that couldn’t disappear when it came to Therese, didn’t want her to get her hands dirty when it wasn’t necessary since she was able to deal with it on her own. Luck was on their side for a long time because they managed not to get into arguments or something worse with people. Carol knew that was going to change sooner or later but she wanted to live in denial about it. Although when the moment happened, not even if she had known about it in advance would have made it easier.

That day, Carol was too damn slow to react when she heard a noise close to them and when she turned, a bulky tall man with black hair that in better days could have been considered attractive was making his way towards her, making her curse inwardly but she tilted her head upwards in a confident attitude, trying not to shudder at the smile he gave her. She was aware, even before opening her mouth, that this time talking wouldn’t work their way out so she could only hope that Therese (who was crouching behind the furniture Carol was in front of) didn’t dare to reveal her presence.

Though the moment Carol was cornered she knew it was futile to hope that her wife would remain hiding, even when it still was what Carol wanted. She didn’t care if the man was looking at her body in a lewd way as he approached his face to hers, making her wrinkle her nose at the bloody and sweaty odor he exuded. She didn’t care about all the horrible things she would most likely go through as long as she was able to buy time for Therese so she could get out of there. But her wife did care, and in order to avoid her a horrible experience, Carol needed to fight back.

She should have known better. She should have known that in this new world, the horrible experiences were some sort of routine now.

Carol was able to ignore the pain in her hand when it made contact with the man’s jaw, resorting into physical contact because he was so damn close that she wasn’t capable of using her weapon. She didn’t make any sound even when she suspected she had broken something but when he hit her back, she couldn’t contain the gasp fleeing from her lips, making her break the grip on the pipe she was holding. The sound of the pipe clashing against the floor made her feel sick and she closed her eyes tightly, waiting for her impending doom.

A wail of surprise caused Carol to open her eyes again, in order to see Therese sprinting her way towards the man, ducking nimbly to grab the unwittingly discarded weapon, using all her strength to tackle him down. The astonishment made impossible for Carol to react right away, watching in horror the way her wife started to beat the man’s head with the pipe. Everything was moving in slow motion even when only a few seconds had elapsed ─ Carol was able to see the way the blood was splashing Therese’s clothes and arms but when she looked at her face, seeing the angry tears washing away some of the blood that had also splashed in the beautiful features, it helped her to pull her out of her shocked state.

She hurried to stand behind the young woman, crouching down so she could wrap her arms around her wife’s to stop her movements. “Stop, stop, it’s over now,” she whispered calmly even when she knew Therese would be able to feel her heart beating furiously against her back.

There was silence for a moment, only the way Therese was fighting to calm her breathing could be heard. Carol took advantage to move her away so they could end up sitting on the ground. She didn’t loosen her hold on the young woman, knowing that soon, the adrenaline would wear off, making her realize what it had happened. When Therese stiffed, Carol felt a dreadful sensation because she had never wanted this for her wife, this was supposed to be her part to avoid her what she was going through. “He … he … you were …” Carol closed her eyes when the woman in her arms started to cry with heart-wrenching anguish. “I-I couldn’t … he would have … if I didn’t …”

Therese couldn’t quite catch Carol’s comforting words when her eyes focused on the image in front of her. She began to shake violently at the pulpy puddle that used to be a man’s head just a moment before ─ the reality of what she had done, finally dawning on her. She managed to free herself from Carol’s arms, hustling to one side to empty her stomach. Soon enough, Therese felt her wife caressing her back in a soothing manner but that only provoked an agonizing wailing in the young woman. Part of her knew this wasn’t the right place or the right time but she couldn’t stop ─ for once, Carol’s caring touch wasn’t reaching her.

Carol had to do everything in her power to not cave on the desire to follow Therese’s steps ─ the tears were stinging her eyes and it was getting hard to breath with the lump on her throat. But her wife needed her and she was able to hear the noise that went beyond them so she had to move before it was too late. Not caring anymore for the provisions they had gathered, Carol helped Therese to stand ─ who was reacting for the necessary, which was better than nothing ─ finding the fact that the other woman has always been thin and small like a blessing at that moment, because it made easier to carry her piggyback, hurrying to make their way out of that place.

 

 [...] 

 

Carol was worryingly looking at Therese, who was stirring up her can of food without eating, leaning against a wall with her head down. A thing she had been doing from the moment Carol handed her the tin can, which had been ten minutes ago. She wasn’t talking either ─ the last words she had spoken had been her attempt to explain herself after what happened. Carol had never felt so away from her even when they were together and it was frustratingly sad, making her feel like a failure for not knowing how to reach for her wife when she needed her the most. Nevertheless, she didn’t push, deciding to attend her wounds after she finished her food, massaging her hand first, making more pressure than necessary to check if something was broken, sighing relieved when she noticed that the pain was uniform, letting her know that it was only terrible swollen because the last thing she needed was to be incapacitated at that moment.

Without standing up, Carol stretched to reach for their backpack, searching for a rag to wrap it around her knuckles, closing her hand into a fist when she finished, assuring she was still able to move it. Afterwards, she put away the tin can with now hot water that she had placed over the small bonfire she had brought to life right after she was sure they were able to spend the night in a shed that went unnoticed thanks to the buildings of the surroundings. Dealing with her face would be slightly tricky without a mirror to see but Carol tried anyway, touching it softly close to her lips to feel the dried blood of her broken lip ─ there wasn’t doubt of that result from the way it hadn’t stopped throbbing since the moment the man’s fist made contact with her face but she had been able to put the pain away, focusing on more important things but since the adrenaline worn off, the throbbing was a constant reminder.

Firstly she cleaned the blood around the wound, wanting to avoid the inevitable until she couldn’t do it anymore, sliding the cloth all over her face to clean it from the dirt, sweat and whatever blood might have been splashed with the exception of her lips. Carol breathed deeply when she paused to wash out the cloth, like she was taking the courage of what was to come. However, the pain when she put pressure, even when it was tentative, was strong enough to make Carol hiss. On the bright side, that sound was capable to bring Therese back, her brain immediately reacting at the prospect of her wife being in pain, making her move towards her, only able to connect the fact they were alone and relative safe.

Carol looked in surprise as Therese straddled her lap, reaching to take away the cloth from her hand. The young woman didn’t make eye contact with her wife in any moment, focused on only one task, frowning when she looked the wound, making her blood boil. This time, Carol swallowed the hiss that crawled up her throat when Therese touched her lip, not wanting to concern her more or making her retreat. A little hesitant, she placed one hand on Therese’s hip, inwardly sighing with relief when there wasn’t any negative reaction, and like that, Carol swiped her eyes over the beautiful face at her sight, regardless of the blood and the frown. They remain in such position while Therese kept cleaning Carol’s wound.

“I don’t regret it.” Therese broke the silence once she was satisfied with her work, finally gazing up to lock her eyes with her wife’s. “I would do it again without thinking twice.” There was a fervently conviction, an almost intimidating aura but suddenly her eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Is- is that bad? D-does it scares you?”

Carol smiled sadly, lifting her arm to stroke Therese’s cheek with her other hand. “Of course not, darling. You could never scare me … you still are the woman I fell in love with, this world won’t be able to change that.” Her hand moved to the woman’s nape, pulling her towards her softly, joining their foreheads. “Besides, I understand because I wouldn’t think twice about doing the same for you either.”

Therese’s hands travel from Carol’s shoulders to her neck, wrapping her arms around it. “Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around …” she singsonged, able to manage a tired smile.

Carol chuckled, wrapping her arms around Therese’s waist. For a few minutes, they did nothing more than hugging each other in silence, relishing their presence after what had happened. “I’m sorry,” Carol whispered, causing Therese to pull back enough to see her.

“Why are you even apologizing for?” she questioned completely confused because she couldn’t understand why Carol felt such need.

Carol shook her head. “In retrospect, there’s no reason but …” she closed her eyes. “I told you how I felt when I killed one of those creatures for the first time. I imagine doing it with a person, even if they deserve it, it’s so much worse and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” She couldn’t hide her distress anymore.

Therese scrunched up her nose, looking away as she pondered. “I do have mixed feelings about it … you know I’m sincere when I tell you I won’t doubt to do it again and deep down I know it’s going to happen,” she sighed. “I just don’t know where the line of good and evil it’s drawn now. Who judges if we lose our humanity after every kill even if it is to defend ourselves and the people we love?”

Carol licked her lips pensively. “I guess it still depends on us like it always had been and when we doubt ourselves, there are people who can help us to remind us.” She took Therese’s chin between her fingers softly. “You still are the same person you have always been ... the same woman whose first instinct is to reach a non-violent outcome, the same woman who can’t help to shed a few tears at the unfairness of people losing the battle too soon, the same woman who can turns into a fighter not because there’s some kind of monster hidden inside her but because she’s able to become what it’s necessary when the moment requires it.” Therese didn’t notice when she started crying but she suddenly took a hand to her face to clean the tears from her cheeks away, chuckling happily, her shoulders sagging with the reassurance. “You are the same woman I love, you understand?” she asked softly.

Therese nodded. “I love you too, Carol … you are my world.” She hugged her, burying her face in the woman’s neck, nuzzling tenderly.

“And you are mine, angel.” She turned her head a bit to kiss Therese’s head, tightening her hold briefly.

They didn’t know how much time passed until they needed to pull away, just the necessary so Therese could stretch (without standing from her wife’s lap) to reach for the can of food after her stomach growled. While she ate, Carol washed out the cloth one more time, taking care of cleaning the young woman’s face without interrupting her, making sure to convey the love she felt for her wife in every tender caress and with the way she was looking at her, sharing gentle smiles and affectionate kisses from time to time.

 

* * *

 

_They had been married for three years when the conversations about starting a family became their focus. Where in most couples such subject brought joy and expectation, it didn’t happen to them, at least not at the beginning. When Carol mentioned it, very casually and not quite obviously since she had asked Therese’s opinion about it instead of saying that it was something she wanted, the young woman stupidly thought that Carol was getting sick of her and that was why she needed someone else. Therese took a very childish attitude after shrugging her silent answer, almost as she wanted to prove that they didn’t need to have a child because she was one._

_That had been their first and only serious fight, to the point Carol had spent a couple of nights in Abby’s house after their screaming match when she finally decided to confront her wife, tired of her immature attitude and Therese cried herself to sleep every night, thinking that this was all for them and there was no one else to blame but her. The stubborn anger gave way to the misery, leading them to go back to each other and talk for hours, sharing insecurities and explanations to reassure that this wasn’t about replacing anyone but simply becoming a bigger family if both of them agree to it. Like the marriage, it wasn’t something they needed but wanted to experience with the person they loved._

_When the joy and expectation filled them, it didn’t last much. They had taken the decision that Carol would be the one getting pregnant because Therese was terrified with the pain giving birth was able to cause (Carol had laughed at the adorable panicked expression when she mentioned it, almost as if she was about to experience it, prompting her to move and give her a reassuring kiss to let her know that she wasn’t disappointing her) and they were incredibly lucky that the IVF worked the very first time. After that, something dawned on Therese which made her have a radical change, becoming the most excited about the idea of becoming mothers. It was the most normal for Carol to come home and find her on the couch, visiting websites to make lists of what they needed to buy for their baby._

_Two months later they experienced one of the worst things someone could experience when Carol lost the baby. The news was heartbreaking by itself but for Carol was even worse since she got the news that she couldn’t get pregnant again after the damage suffered, her brain choosing to play against her, filling her with thoughts that she had failed her wife and that most likely, she blamed her for the tragedy even when Therese’s comfort, veiled by an undeniable sadness, showed nothing but love towards her._

_Several months passed before they could feel the wound starting to heal and it was when Therese shyly dared to bring the subject to try again, after pondering about it, deciding that she would be able to overcome her fear to give themselves what they wanted. Inevitably, the negative thoughts about herself re-appeared in Carol’s mind. Nevertheless, she agreed, not ready to have a discussion about her insecurities. On the bright side, the situation made her focus on something different instead of torturing herself with her thoughts since she still wanted to raise a child with the woman she loved._

_They didn’t think much when the procedure didn’t work the first time, in denial considering it a lucky thing; but after the second try failing, they knew something was happening. When the test came back, Carol wondered — as she hugged a weeping Therese in her arms, shedding a few tears too — when they were to get a break. The results were an inhospitable uterus and though they could keep trying, nothing was certain, almost considering it like a miracle if Therese got pregnant._

_But there’s always a limited number of times until you say ‘enough’ and really mean it. The failed procedures were emotionally draining for both women and it was creating a breach between them that took a while to notice because they spent time like they usually did, often in the same place but where in the past they would always be cuddling or in some sort of contact, that no longer happened. Silence became their default setting and whenever they talked it was very clinical, creating a gloomy atmosphere in their home, both women dwelling in what they considered their own failure and the reason to be blamed._

_It was the previous day of what it would be their last attempt when Carol couldn’t handle it anymore, all the emotions of the previous months hitting her at once, unable to let her deal with it in silence. Therese was coming out of the bathroom as she applied cream on her face and neck, ready to join Carol who was already in bed, looking down at her lap, giving the impression that she was fascinated by the wrinkles the sheet create when in reality she was avoiding Therese’s gaze, like she had been doing for weeks now, afraid to find disappointment in the green eyes._

_“I can’t do this anymore, Therese,” Carol whispered once her wife took her place next to her, not able to hide the quivering in her voice._

_Therese tensed, every negative thought coming to fill her mind because she wasn’t an idiot that didn’t notice that they had been growing apart. She could see Carol slipping through her fingers but she always thought the reason was that she was focused and stressed with this like she had been. Perhaps, she had been wrong and there was something more. “Wha-?” She cleared her throat, feeling the tears gathering in her eyes. “What do you mean?”_

_“The pregnancy.” She closed her eyes in sad resignation. “All this had been exhausting and right now it doesn’t feel like it’s worth it.” She turned her head in Therese’s direction, not able to hold her gaze for too long. “I already lost our baby, I can’t lose you too and if we keep going like this, it’s going to happen.” A couple of tears fell down her cheeks._

_“Carol … what?” She frowned in confusion, not understanding why her wife could think she was going to lose her._

_“I failed you.” She wasn’t able to contain a sob. “You were so excited about the baby and then I-”_

_Therese’s eyes widened as Carol spoke, hurrying to interrupt her. “Hey, hey, no.” She shifted to the side to look at her but when the other woman didn’t raise her head to make eye contact, Therese moved closer, cupping one of her cheeks with her hand to softly turn her head in her direction. “Carol, listen to me clearly. Firstly, you will never, ever be a failure to me, and the only way you could disappoint me would be if you did something to hurt me on purpose which I know would never happen because I know you, how could I think otherwise since the very first moment you cared for my well-being?” She smiled fondly. “And secondly, losing the baby wasn’t your fault, blaming you would be simply stupid.”_

_“But-“ Therese pressed her index finger against her lips to shush her._

_“Do you blame me having a condition that makes almost impossible for me to get pregnant, do you think it makes me defective?” There was a hint of doubt in her tone._

_“Of course not!” She exclaimed offended._

_“Then why would I think that about you? I’m sure it’s not because you think I’m a horrible person who is too superficial.” She stroked Carol’s jaw._

_“No, no, that’s not the reason.” She shifted her body to her side to face each other. “It was my own insecurity — losing the baby and knowing that I couldn’t try ever again made me painfully aware that I’m not going to be able to give you something you were so excited for and that made me feel like a failure because I want nothing more than give you everything you wish for.”_

_Therese chuckled in disbelief. “My love … you already do that. You have been what I want since the moment I knew I was attracted to you.” She moved forward to kiss Carol’s lips. “Having a baby wasn’t for the baby itself, it was because I wanted to raise a child with you, I wanted us to learn to be mothers together … it wasn’t because I needed it, do you understand?”_

_All the things Therese was mentioning, Carol had known them. Deep down she had always known but her brain had created a wall that wasn’t allowing her to believe them, leaving her locked in a jail of lies. “I do, I truly do.” She shook her head, opening her mouth to say something more._

_“Don’t you dare to apologize,” Therese said in a soft but earnest tone._

_Carol looked at her with surprise but then chuckled softly. “I should though, if I have shared everything before all of this wouldn’t have happened.”_

_Therese took Carol’s hand, taking it to her lips to kiss her. “Just promise me that next time you have that kind of thoughts, you are going to talk to me. I don’t like the idea of you fighting an internal battle on your own when we have reached the conclusion that I’m your knight in shining armor.”_

_They laughed as they slowly moved closer, nuzzling their noses with the other before kissing. “There are some battles that I have to fight on my own,” Carol whispered against Therese’s lips._

_“True, but having a cheerleader in your corner it’s not bad.” Their next kiss lasted longer._

_Carol hummed in agreement once they broke apart, biting her lower lip pensively. “Do you still want to try tomorrow?”_

_Therese sighed, lowering her head, her hand smoothing the sheet. “It’s emotionally exhausting getting a negative answer and after knowing it’s practically impossible for me …” she trailed off._

_“Then it’s time to stop, darling.” She cupped Therese’s cheek with one hand, lifting her head softly. “I love you and the last thing I want is for you to be deeply affected by the stress it causes you.” She smiled when Therese looked at her. “We can take a break from this and then discuss it again after a while with the remaining option we have. How does that sound?”_

_Therese looked at Carol with adoration. “I like that idea.”_

_Carol’s smile grew bigger. “Really?”_

_The young woman nodded adorably. “Very much so.”_

_“Our anniversary is coming soon … we can take a vacation, wherever we want.” She headed to her wife’s ear. “I would show you how much I love you.”_

_Therese whimpered, wrapping an arm around Carol’s waist, pulling her closer, resting her forehead on her shoulder. “You don’t have to sell it to me, Carol, I will follow you anywhere.”_

_Chuckling, Carol laid down, taking Therese with her, kissing her head when they were resting comfortably. “I like it, being you and me.”_

_“But you like the idea of someone else forming part of that,” she added, listening to the silent but. It was easy to understand what her wife was saying because when Carol was pregnant she had developed such feeling. “Someone we can call ‘our child.’”_

_Carol tightened her arms around Therese, giving her another kiss on her head in a gesture of confirmation. They knew they had taken the decision right at that moment but it was only until months later when they started to gather information about adoption agencies, never imagining that they would never get the chance to apply for one._

 

* * *

 

Meeting Rindy and Emma felt like some kind of blessing though their first encounter had been anything but smooth, reason why it had taken a while for Carol to warm up towards Rindy and for the girl to trust them. Therese couldn’t blame either of them ─ Carol had been pissed that a 16-year-old girl had been able to sneak up on them, pointing at them with a gun and it was common sense that the teenager wasn’t that trusting, especially when Therese noticed the 6-year-old girl behind Rindy that was hugging her by the waist, peeping on one side of (they later learned) her sister’s body.

After that confrontation, they followed the sisters’ direction, claiming that they were doing it only because they need to retrieve their supplies because that had been the teenager’s offer to allow them leave without causing them any harm: half of their stuff. It was easy to find them every time because even when Rindy wouldn’t hesitate to use the gun when need it (at least with the creatures as far as they had seen) they weren’t sneaky at all though they were good at running. Carol was making it seem like they were doing this only for selfish reasons, to look for themselves but Therese knew better because for both of them it was easy to understand and share Rindy’s motives to do anything for a loved person.

Carol and Therese never revealed their presence nor did something that would make the sisters suspect, keeping a safe and relatively long distance, never intervening in their activities. Watching them turned into a break, as if they were enjoying a tv show ─ reminding them of the good times of the past when it wasn’t necessary to live on edge at every second whenever they saw them laughing or when they allowed themselves to lower their defences to play around, Rindy clearly trying to give Emma’s childhood some good memories despite everything. During the nights, the blow of reality always came back with Rindy trying to stay awake, hugging her sister as she slept, to make surveillance. For the women it was impressive to see the girl managing to be functional after barely having two hours of sleep during the day, undoubtedly making her sister promise that she would wake her up at the slightest suspicious thing.

Those were the hardest moment for the couple to not succumb to their decision to stay back. Even when they have the purest intentions (though Carol wasn’t ready to admit that she had developed the instinct to take care of them) they were sure that blindside the teenager like that wouldn’t be a good idea. In such times, seeing the same people after the kind of encounter they have had, could only be taken like some sort of revenge. So Carol and Therese had to resign in keeping an eye on them from afar, hoping that Rindy was strong enough to not faint due to the lack of sleep she was getting.

Until one fateful day gave them the opportunity to turn what could have been one of the most horrible days in the beginning of something amazing.

It was getting dark and Therese was creating a fire to warm the last can of beans they had while Carol watched her with a soft smile, holding their food in one hand and their plates (two cans cut in half) with the other, finding endearing how focused Therese was during her first attempt to do this on her own. They haven’t talked about what they were going to do tomorrow without food. Since all this started, they have stuck with canned food but Carol was contemplating the option of hunting if they ever came across with some animal, which wasn’t actually easy but neither was getting canned food, especially since they had two girls ahead of them that inspected a place and took whatever they could first.

Once their food was ready, they sat next to each other, behind a dog house, two houses away from the one the sisters decided to spend the night. They rarely spoke since they start to follow them, communicating through looks and gestures, wanting to be aware of every sound, which why they always stayed outdoors instead of seeking refuge inside a house. Thanks to that they noticed the steps and whispers. In tension, they turned around in order to see a group of five men ─ four of them surveying the surroundings while the other one, undoubtedly the leader, forced the door using the side of his body to open it. The women felt their blood running cold when they saw them entering the house because of course the one that would catch their attention would be the one with a closed door. Exchanging a worried but determined look, Therese and Carol nodded before spriting their way to the house, remaining slightly ducked to not be seen.

They stopped under the front window, realizing that they were breathing heavily when they saw the other woman’s eyeing their chest. “What are we going to do?” Therese asked under her breath.

Carol held her breath in an attempt to calm herself before speaking. “We need to find out where are the girls.”

“And after that? We are two against five.” She usually wasn’t a pessimistic person but she was realistic. They had brought their arms but two metal pipes against the firearms they had were nothing.

“It would be ideal if they are hiding and we are able to get them out before drawing their attention.”

Therese looked at Carol with incredulity but she didn’t answer, raising herself on her arms but without standing to be able to see through the window. It was hard to see inside the house since there wasn’t light but the moonlight was helping enough to see the shadows. “There are three on the first floor, I guess the other two went upstairs.” Carol nodded in acknowledgment before turning around, getting on all fours to look too, a position that Therese copied afterwards.

Suddenly, mayhem broke out.

The silence was broken by a desperate scream of ‘no’ and a gunshot. Both women thought the worst but in the next second, they felt relieved when the men were the ones asking what had happened while one of them turned on a flashlight. The beam of light was quickly pointed towards the stairs, making them see a lanky man that with the long hair and bearded face made him looked unkempt, tugging Rindy down the stairs by her hair, the girl trying to keep up with his pace so she wouldn’t be more harmed than she already had been.

“My, my, what do we have here?” There was derision in his tone as he took a seat on the ruined couch, two men of the group taking their places behind it like guards protecting a king.

“This brat was the cause of the gunshot,” he tossed her towards the man that had spoken with force enough that she ended up falling on her knees. “She was trying to take us by surprise.”

“Was she alone?” He tilted his head in contemplation, watching Rindy who was trying to convey a furious look but for the women, the fear and uncertainty were clear in her eyes.

“Nah, there was another brat with her.” He laughed. “She jumped at Mike like a rabid monkey and bit him.”

“And where are they?” He rested his back on the backrest, placing a foot on his knee.

“He’s still upstairs. He tossed the little shit at a wall so he’s probably checking if she’s still alive.” He shrugged.

“I need you to go upstairs,” Carol whispered to Therese. “We need to separate them.” She took a deep sigh. “I hope they do what they did before and send two of them, you can be sneaky and good at hiding, I just need you to distract them while I take care of the ones downstairs and make sure if the little one is safe.”

After Therese nodded with a frown in her face, they crawled to get away from the window, heading to one side of the house, making sure to reach a spot where they couldn’t be seen. Carol quickly helped Therese to hook the pipe in her waist, in a way that it wouldn’t be uncomfortable, letting her able to move to climb and use her hands without having to worry about the possibility of losing it. Once the young woman was ready, they looked at each other, not bothering to conceal their concern.

“Be safe.” Carol cupped Therese’s cheeks unable to help it and gave her a kiss even when they couldn’t afford to lose a second.

“You too.” Their eyes were begging for the silent promise to stay alive.

One kiss later and Carol was getting in position to help Therese to climb to the roof. Once she lost her wife’s weight, she pulled away to watch her getting inside the house through a window, able to slide it open without making a sound that made Carol feel like maybe they would have a chance in this dangerous situation.   

 

[...]

 

Not wanting to be discovered or reveal her presence just yet, Therese held her breath as she tiptoed around the house, searching for the girl in the rooms she came across. She could listen to the exchange that was taking place downstairs and even when she was grateful for it since it made easier to cover her steps, she walked a little bit faster before something she would regret for the rest of her life happened.

Sweat dripped over Therese’s temples and the back of her neck after glimpsing at two rooms in vain until suddenly she was able to hear an angry growl. She reached for the metal pipe, holding it with both hands like a bat, placing it on her shoulder, hurrying to the room from where the sound came. Therese stepped at the door’s frame in time to see (thanks to the man that was holding a flashlight) Emma slipping under the bed, nimble like a gazelle while a fat man stretched his arm, trying to hold her, cursing when he didn’t succeed.

“Come here, you little shit.” He dropped to his knees before putting his hands on the floor to lean the rest of the way. “There’s no way out. You and your sister are screwed.”

Therese could see Emma already coming out from the other side, her head to the man’s direction to be sure she was maintaining a safe distance to then turned it, to be sure she was able to escape, freezing when she looked at her, her eyes widening in fear. The woman quickly reacted, not wanting to lose her opportunity now that the man was distracted, taking her index finger to her mouth. This time Therese no longer kept quiet, purposefully making noise so the man anxiously straightened up and turn around just when she was close enough to swing the pipe, not holding anything back, making contact with the man’s head. Her stomach fluttered upsettingly at the sound of something cracking before the man fell heavily against the floor like a potato sack.

At that moment, everything became silent downstairs. “What the hell was that?” They weren’t bothering in speaking in a low tone, sure of what they could do if something unexpected happened. “Mike?!”

Therese put in motion when she saw Emma standing up, quickly stepping in front of her before the little girl could run away. “Hey, hey,” she spoke softly, wanting to be a calming presence even when her heart was pounding nervously, crouching down to be at the girl’s height. She almost reached to touch the girl when she saw blood on the side of her face but she stopped herself, not wanting to scare her off. “I know it’s hard but I need you to trust me. You remember us?” There was a blink before a sharp nod. “My wife is going to help your sister, I promise, but you need to stay with me and do whatever I ask you, okay?”

This time Emma nodded immediately at the time the leader of the group ordered to what Therese hoped was two men to go upstairs and check what was the cause of the noise. “Go back under the bed and close your eyes.” She didn’t want her to see what she would do.

Emma didn’t move right away, contemplating her in a way that made Therese felt like she was going to run at any second. But the little girl noticed the begging request in Therese’s eyes and she couldn’t deny the trustworthy sensation the woman made her feel. On the other hand, she had no idea how to help her sister on her own this time, knowing that if she went down just like that, she would be caught. With that in mind, Emma went back under the bed and Therese walked back to the man, unable to move for a few valuable seconds when she saw the red puddle around his head, making her feel nauseous. She supposed that the physical discomfort was a good thing that let her know that she wasn’t losing her humanity.

The steps quickly coming up the stairs pulled her out of her absorption, putting her in motion to search the man’s body, retrieving his weapons. Holding a gun, she scrutinized it — she knew the theory of how to use it but she had never even held one. Expectedly, it wasn’t easy to come across firearms just like that. It was a shame that she would have to learn the practical aspect of it in a life or death situation.  

 

[...]

 

Carol crawled her way back to the front window, poking out her head a bit, just enough to see. The man sitting on the couch was silent while the other three were talking, even sharing some laughs. But what Carol was interested in was kneeling in the middle of the room making an effort to keep her head up despite the trembling of her body, reaction that got worse when the seated man stretched his arm to brush the hair away from her face. Carol tensed when the contact occurred but she was able to breathe in relief when Rindy sharply pulled back though it didn’t last much at seeing the man’s smirk, reminding her of all those men she had to put up with for the simple fact they believed they should have some sort of priority only because they were men.

“What were you trying to accomplish with your actions? Did you honestly believed you could take down all of us?” Rindy didn’t answer, frowning with intent and Carol should hand it to her for her bravery. “Instead you are here and your sister is about to get killed.” That did cause a change in the girl’s features, showing unveiled fear. “Unless I give the order not to.” Rindy parted her lips, her gaze momentarily darting away from the man to no specific point. “Currently I don’t have any reason to do it … but perhaps you could give me one?”

Carol understood the meaning behind the man’s words and she cringed, ready to intervene, forgetting about any plan she had plotted with Therese, despite being aware of having everything to lose. But she couldn’t stay back and simply look if some degenerated men planned to do something, much less when she saw Rindy paling, clearly understanding too. The moment the girl parted her lips, starting to stutter, a thud cut off any intent. All the men looked upwards, the leader frowning, losing for the moment all the confidence the group had been emanating.

“What the hell was that?” He raised his voice but without screaming at the time he stood up. “Mike?!” When there wasn’t an answer, the man lowered his voice to addressed Rindy. “Was there someone else besides you two?” The girl shook her head but that only angered him. “Don’t lie to me!” He slapped her with force enough to turn her head to one side, making her whimper and drawing blood from her lip.

Carol tightened her fingers around the pipe she was holding, gritting her teeth but she waited for what she and Therese hoped he would do. Fortunately, it didn’t take too long for him to swirl around to face the two ‘guards’. “You two, go and see what was that and take care of everyone that’s not part of us.” Rindy’s ‘no’ was completely ignored.

The bulky men nodded before heading to the stairs, making Carol feel a wave of triumph but also concern, hoping that Therese was ready. She knew her wife was capable but she would never be able to make disappear the worry she felt for the woman she loved the most in this kind of circumstances. Carol moved towards the front door as the men went upstairs, without looking away from the window, not wanting to miss the other two’s positions. The long-haired man hadn’t moved at all, staying at the living room’s door frame, leaving him backwards from the hall which would be Carol’s advantage, the problem was that she would be vulnerable to the leader’s attack. She momentarily closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, like she was accepting her final outcome, knowing that she would willingly give her life if she was able to help get the three females out of here alive.

Opening her eyes back, Carol tensed, feeling the contempt overtaking her, prompting her to move without waiting to hear a sound that would let her know that Therese was doing her part at the image of the leader violently tugging Rindy by the hair, pulling her towards him with one hand, using the other to unfasten his belt, struggling with the girl since she was using her arms to keep a distance. At that moment Carol’s mind went blank, guided by her feelings, not caring about anything else beyond making the man regret every one of his actions.

Stepping inside the house, Carol noticed her heavy breathing but the teenager’s whining not only helped to drown the sounds she made, it also fueled her with reckless decision. Her eyes never left of the man with his back to her, nailed at his nape and she only darted them down when she was close enough of him to reach and withdraw the knife from his belt. The action made the man look down since Carol on purpose wasn’t careful, brushing her hand against his arm. By the time the man looked up, the woman was already waiting to slash his throat.

This was the first time she killed a person and she was mesmerized by the way his eyes widened with surprise at the time he took his hands to the wound, in a vain attempt to stop the blood. The choking sound ended up drawing the other man’s attention to Carol, who caught everything by the corner of her eye. “What the-?”

Even taken aback, he reacted fast, pushing Rindy away to reach for his firearm, using it the moment he was aiming at the woman’s direction. Carol moved behind her victim, using him as a shield to protect herself from the bullets, holding him in place with difficulty as his last breath was getting closer and he turned into a dead weight as seconds passed, trying not to leave any part of her body exposed even when the adrenaline cursing her body was telling her to charge at him. Despite the whole craziness of the moment and the deep apprehension that was causing her body to tremble, Rindy was quick to push away any sentiment capable to cloud her mind to move behind the man. Still on the ground, she lifted her body on her arms and one leg, using the other to kick with all her strength behind one of the man’s knee, not even paying attention to who the other person was, thinking that this could be her opportunity to escape.

The action had the desired effect, making the man lose his balance, making him fall on one knee and Carol used that window to let go of her shield, rushing towards him, accompanied by some gunshots that came from upstairs. Blinded by anger, the man turned his attention to Rindy, holding her by the ankle just as she was standing up, ready to run, giving a harsh tug that caused her to fall one more time. By the time Carol reached them, he had put the girl face up, straddling her so was practically incapable to escape even though Rindy was moving her legs in a desperate attempt to do it that made much more sense when Carol noticed the man’s hands wrapped around her neck, squeezing hard.

Seeing red, Carol used the knife she was still holding to stab him in the back of his shoulder just to divert his attention, knowing that she would lose a melee battle. “Fuck! You fucking bitch!” he screamed, pressing a hand on his wound but in the next second he moved away from Rindy which was what Carol had been expecting since she didn’t miss where the gun was, allowing him to feel a brief sensation of success (if his disgusted smile was a clue) when he placed his hand over the gun before she raised a foot, letting it fall harshly over his forearm.

The scream and the cracking were deafening but Carol didn’t blink, using her foot to move aside the hand over the gun, leaning down with grace to be her the one taking possession of the arm without looking away from the pained man that was shrieking and sweating because of it. There was a part in Carol that wished to make him suffer, to make him regret all the times that he surely made others suffer but the coughing close to her was keeping her grounded. She might be doing this for her without any kind of remorse but she wouldn’t stoop to the point that she would enjoy doing this and become like these men. Where once there had been cockiness and confidence in the man’s eyes now there were only tears and pain. Nevertheless, Carol never felt a pang of compassion as she raised the gun, giving him one last revolted look before pulling the trigger.

Carol closed her eyes, tightening her fingers around the arm, allowing herself a pause to breathe, hoping that the worst was over and that she wouldn’t get any heartbreaking surprises when it was time to find out what happened with Therese. Turning around, she saw Rindy now in a sitting position, with her hands on her neck, trying to sooth the sensation that had been left on her. Carol crouched to be at the girl’s eye level, maintaining a safe distance to not make her feel threatened, waiting for some kind of reaction as if she was treating like a scared and wounded animal. Finally, stop coughing, Rindy gazed at her savior briefly, first with fear but somehow finding a tender smile calmed her enough to help her recognize who was in front of her, surprising herself when she felt a strong need that made her throw herself at the woman, wrapping her arms around her waist, burying her face in her chest, starting to sob with anguish.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I got you now.” Carol wrapped her arms around the teenager, mirroring the same desperation of not wanting to let go. “You are safe.” She rested her head against the girl’s, her own body shaking by the mix of contained anger and relief.

That was how Therese found them ─ she herself comforting Emma that was holding onto her like a koala, with her arms around her neck and legs around her waist, her face buried in her neck. After confirming that the woman was there to save her (patiently talking to her when she went back to her, helping her to come out under the bed with the most gentle touch), she didn’t want to leave her side and Therese had clung back onto her, wrapping both arms around the little girl to have some sort of comfort as she went down the stairs, apprehensive of what she could find. Without pulling away from the teenager, Carol slowly lifted her gaze at the familiar steps, calming Rindy when she felt her tensing by moving her hands up and down her back her back, whispering more reassuring words that nothing would happen to her.

At the confirmation that their wife was safe, Therese let out a chuckle, going weak at the knees while Carol grinned tired but happily, a few tears sliding down their cheeks. Not waiting for a gesture, Therese jogged to where they were, paying no mind to the bodies on the floor, kneeling in front of her wife. The women postponed their need to be in the other’s arms until the girls pulled away on her own to see who was the newcomer but the moment their eyes caught the sight of their sister, they launched at each other, not caring for anything else, hugging tightly.

The couple looked at each other after admiring the moment for a few seconds, more tears coming out their eyes. Carol lifted an arm to cup Therese’s cheek, feeling her heart melting when her wife leaned into it like a cat with her eyes closed, her hand slowly moving towards the back of her head to gently pulled her closer and kiss her, pecking her lips over and over again, smiling when Therese copied the hold, kissing back eagerly. They only stopped with the kisses when they felt soft movement between them but they didn’t move away, leaning their foreheads together and looking down, finding two pairs of eyes gazing at them full of gratitude and adoration.  

 

**II.-**

 

The second time everything went to hell … that was it. There was no point in keep fighting.

They have been living in a post-apocalyptic world for years now, able to build something together, calling Rindy and Emma their lucky charms because a little after they saved them, they found a safe place, a small sanctuary, barely starting but promising, that was surprisingly led by Abby and Genevieve. Reuniting with their friends was overwhelming, finally able to let go the worry about their status and also the relief of having a place to stay because for the first time they had real proof and not only wishful thinking of the possibility to have a worthy life in this world.

Their bond with Rindy and Emma got stronger, all of them consider themselves a family, though they never become a mother figure for the girls. They were more like their aunts and the women were okay with it, not wanting to be some sort of replacement for the girls’ mother, especially since they didn’t know if their parents were dead, never changing their minds as years went by, lowering the possibilities of them being alive. They saw them growing, becoming more independent and stronger than what they already were, which made them huge assets for the sanctuary and when Rindy reached twenty-one years old, Abby put her in charge of one of the search groups. Emma had had the same offer when the time came but she preferred to be her sister’s right hand, following Therese’s example in Carol’s group, instead of leading a group on her own.

For years, the sun bright upon them even when the hard moments never disappeared. They fought and defended their home when it was necessary, making it grow over time, welcoming new people and losing others. One day, during one of the weekly meetings they did to plan their future steps, one of the group leaders excitedly shared his discovery about a mall that appeared to be uninspected. It was far, but it was becoming necessary to venture farther and farther away since the closest places had been thoroughly searched and it was getting harder to find supplies. Like she always did when they faced unknown land, Abby wasn’t going to risk for several groups to go out ─ it was always her with Carol and Therese, who had sharpened their skills overtime wanting to be able to protect their loved ones, accepting without hesitation when she asked them if they were still willing to do it like they always did, joking that they couldn’t risk anything happening to the queen of the sanctuary as they like to call her.

Two days later after the meeting they were heading out, saying goodbye to Rindy and Emma that were staying with Genevieve, who as the doctor almost never participate in these quests, and the rest of the groups intended to protect the sanctuary and the people in it. Carol drove the car, listening carefully Therese’s directions as they came. The three friends chattering and laughing during the ride, as if they were going to some vacation and not into a dangerous mission but the moment they arrived, they got serious, their head in the purpose.

Already used to work together, it was easy to do their part at a steady pace on the first floor, dealing with the creatures whenever they stepped inside a store before searching for useful things. On the second floor, in a blink, everything turned around. At first sight, there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, a few creatures here and there but they should have known the tables were across the door for some reason. After getting rid of the last one, it was easy for the creatures inside to push and open them, already overly eager by all the sound they had caused. It took them by surprise but the managed to react fast to deal with them. Not noticing that all the commotion was drawing more creatures towards them.

Therese was the only one who did it after a moment, realizing they were being surrounded, some creatures coming behind them but just as she was going to let the other know, she saw a creature heading directly to Carol, which her wife didn’t notice because she was distracted trying to keep at bay others more that were coming by front and the side. The young woman didn’t think twice to use her own body as shield for Carol, who at feeling the bump of Therese’s body against hers, she turned her head in her direction, ready to aid her but what she found was her worst nightmare coming true; the impotence of not able to do it, her eyes not missing the moment she was bit in the neck.

Carol’s scream merged with Therese’s as she darted towards the creature, pushing it away from her wife as she stabbed it in the head with the knife she was holding, leaving Abby dealing alone with the rest of them. Their friend was about to complain when she saw Therese taking a hand to her neck, trying to stop the bleeding, the blood quickly slipping through her fingers and soaking Carol’s too when she put pressure in a desperate attempt to do something. Abby couldn’t blame her ─ she knew that deep down Carol was conscious that there was no way to do it but it wasn’t easy to accept that the person you loved the most was walking on the path of death.

“Go back inside the store we have just been in! I got this!” she screamed, her heart beating wildly inside her chest. She used her gun, not only to kill some of the ones that were close to her but to draw the attention of the rest so they follow her instead of her friends.

Carol didn’t think twice to do what Abby said. In fact, she was already walking in that direction when her friend spoke, her brain locking itself in the fact that only Therese matter, not even caring for a possible situation that could harm her because she didn’t care about it anymore. The moment they were inside one of the stores of the mall they had inspected moments ago that had been a boutique, Carol helped Therese to get rid of the backpack she was carrying to lie her down on the floor, keeping the one she was carrying as she kneeled so she could place her wife’s head on her lap.

The young woman closed her eyes, sighing tiredly but she managed a smile when she looked up, her eyes locking with the watery grey eyes. “I … I told you … I wouldn’t think … twice about … saving you.” She was trying to joke even when she was aware that it wasn’t the most suitable moment, the blood coming out from her mouth when she coughed, reminding her.

Carol sobbed, not bothering to follow Therese’s attempt to lighten the mood, a shaky hand moving to caress her wife’s extremely pale face, who as usual, leaned at the contact. Therese’s eyes filled with tears that didn’t take long to slip out, not due to the pain she was feeling but for the suffering she could see in the features of the woman she loved. Part of her wanted to apologize for being the reason but if she did, she would be apologizing for saving her life and that was something she couldn’t do, although now that she had the time to do it, if she had taken a little moment to think, they wouldn’t be in this position because there had been another way to react in which both of them would have come unscathed.

“I … I love ... you … so much … Carol.” Her breath was getting heavier, almost like if the realization of what it was going to happen was settling in.

“Shhh, shhh, calm down.” She slipped an arm under Therese’s head to pulled her closer to her body, leaning down to kiss her head, rocking softly. She was biting her tongue to not say things that would only break her wife’s heart because she would be incapable of doing them.

However, Therese could see the beseech in her eyes though she didn’t mention anything about it. With difficulty, she lifted an arm to caress Carol’s face, smearing her blood in it. “You … you have made me … so happy.” A cough. “So ... so happy, my love … in both worlds … we got to know.”

“You have made me so happy too,” she tried to stifle her sobs as she spoke. “Since the day I met you, you have done nothing but making me happy.”

And now this was the end of it.

Therese could no longer ignore the discomfort her body was experiencing; the pain, the itchiness around the wound that was getting stronger, the difficulty that it was causing her to breathe. “Carol … don’t let me … become one of those things.” The woman tensed at the request, feeling her heart clenching in pain, which wasn’t missed by her. “Please. I-” a cough fit that could be only calmed when Carol pulled out a bottle of water for her to drink cut her off. “It’s … it’s silly but … I want you ... to remember me … like a human.”

Carol closed her eyes tightly, doing all in her power not to wail at that moment. “As if it was possible for me to forget you … to forget the beauty that dazzled me since the very first moment.” She caressed her face tenderly. “But I promise.” It was the last she could do for her.

Therese managed a sad and resigned smile, letting her arm fell on her stomach since it was taking her a huge effort to keep it lifted. “Then ... you … have to ... to do it now ... my love … I can feel … there’s not much … time left.” The pain was a horrible sensation, knowing that everything would be over soon but for her it was most horrible the idea of turning into something that could harm the woman she loved.

“No, no, no …” Carol was incapable to keep talking as she cried, clinging desperately onto her wife’s body, who didn’t say a thing despite the pain, managing to throw an arm around Carol’s body, whispering over and over again how much she loved her.

“I love you too.” Carol pulled back even when she didn’t want to but she couldn’t fail her wife and there wasn’t time to lose, pressing her lips one last time against Therese’s and never breaking the contact as she took her arm out of the handgun holster, guiding her wife’s head back on her lap. The moment she pressed the muzzle between the dark locks, she felt Therese’s hand over hers in a supportive gesture, forcing her to take a moment since her calm crying turned back into a desperate weeping and her entire body was shaking violently.

Abby walked into the store at the moment the deafening sound of the gunshot sounded, the tears quickly coming out of her eyes at the understanding of what her friend had to do. She looked at her friends’ direction, briefly enough to caught the image of Carol throwing away the gun as she hugged Therese’s body with despair, before closing her eyes tightly in order to stop the tears at the heart-wrenching image though there was nothing she could do against her friend’s bawling.

She couldn’t tell how long they stayed like that, but it was enough time so Carol’s weeping became silent. Abby wiped away the tears, hating what she was about to do but they couldn’t risk being outside during the night, they had to go back home and she had also heard some voices as she ran to take the creatures away. “Carol, we have to go,” she spoke softly, hoping not to startle her friend. “I’m sure we are not the only ones here and I’m not talking about the creatures.”

Carol didn’t react as if Abby’s presence took her by surprise so she expected some sort of refusal, only to be the one surprised when her friend stood up right away, holding what had been Therese’s backpack and retrieving her gun before walking towards her but when Abby moved to walk out, Carol stopped her. She didn’t look at her friend, missing the confusing expression on her face, taking on of her arms so she could slip one of the straps and then the other. But it was only until Carol took her backpack off that Abby understood what it meant. “Carol …”

“Go back the sanctuary, Abby.” The confirmation that Carol wasn’t using the word ‘home’ as she usually did when they talked about that place, confirmed her suspicions. There was so much grief in Carol’s eyes when she finally looked at her friend, pain that would never go away and not even time would make it bearable. “They need you and all this stuff.” Abby knew it would be selfish to ask so she pursed her lips but Carol unwillingly smiled because her friend was terrible to conceal her emotions. “I can’t live without her, Abby, I simply can’t. Don’t ask me to do it because I would be miserable every single day without her.”

“What should I say to Rindy and Emma?” she whispered, her voice cracking.

She lowered her head as if she was ashamed of being selfish when there were other people important in her life. “Tell them I’m sorry.”

Abby wouldn’t do it though. She might think that Carol was taking a selfish decision but she could understand why she was doing it, knowing that the moment those two fell in love, they become each other’s happiness, strength, their everything and Carol had lost it all in the blink of an eye. She knew that Carol would stay alive if she asked her, she could even use Rindy and Emma to have a stronger argument or even mention that Therese’s sacrifice would be in vain if she did what she planned to do but it wouldn’t fair to do it ─ it wouldn’t be fair for Carol to live a life where she would be incapable to experience happiness ever again and it wouldn’t be unfair for the rest of them to see a Carol dead in life, drowning deeper and deeper in a depressive state that would cause her to isolate herself to the point that even surrounded by people she would be alone, her mere presence getting toxic because of it. That simply wasn’t a life. And she knew that Therese’s sacrificing herself to save her wife, even if it was an act of love, it had also been a selfish one because she couldn’t handle the idea of going through what Carol just went through.

Abby nodded, wiping away the new tears that ran freely. There were no more words exchanged after that, only one last thigh hug before Abby put the backpacks in place, finally going away. Carol lowered her head, placing a hand on the glass door. Her biggest desire was to go back to Therese’s body and stay there until death claimed her but on the other hand, she couldn’t wait to be reunited with her. Therese and she always talked about their love being so strong and immense that even in the afterlife they would be together, silly conversations that came whenever they felt more corny than usual. It was an opinion that couldn’t be taken like a serious ideal since there weren’t any proof that it could happen but more like a reassuring concept of having an opportunity to be with your loved one beyond this life ─ in this very moment it was the only thing that gave Carol some sort of comfort instead of making her lose her mind.

Carol turned her head a little to look back over her shoulder. “I will see you soon, my angel.” She cleaned her face with one hand, giving her a more scary appearance since it was covered in blood.

Sharpening her ears, she paid attention, waiting to hear something that revealed the other people’s presence because for her plan to work, she had to come across them to make it faster. After so many years, she was used to the sounds coming from the creatures but people, even the ones that were sneaky, had a slyly contemplative way to do things. Hearing those, she walked in that direction, seeing a group of four people walking out of the cinema section — three young women and a man. Taking advantage of the fact they hadn’t seen her just yet, Carol scrutinized them, noticing that two of the women were holding a gun, the group seeming relaxed enough that it gave the idea that this was the place they were staying. Since that was what she needed to know, she purposefully kicked a glass to call their attention.

Expectedly, the women raised their guns, the four of them assessing her. Carol gave them a moment but when the man stepped forward with his arms up, she faked a scared expression clear enough for them to see before turning around and run, slow enough for them to see she was heading back to the boutique, knowing they were going to follow her thinking their place was threatened. She was standing next to her wife when they appeared in her sight but they exchanged a few words before they came inside with the man ahead. He raised his arms once again, clearly in a submissive manner and Carol caught the “we don’t want any problem” before she raised her arm, not hesitating to shoot once she aimed where she needed it.

The first gunshot didn’t make Abby stop, especially because it was followed by a series of screams. Almost immediately, just as she was reaching the door to get out of the mall, the second one sounded, followed by nothing but silence, causing her to stop, her gut immediately knowing what it meant. She paused to digest the fact that her two closest friends were now dead, allowing herself to grieve for a moment, wiping away the few traitor tears that she couldn’t stop. When she resumed her steps, she smiled a little, wanting to believe that at least they were back together and neither of them would have to suffer the anguish of living without each other. It was personally sad having to deal with the loss of two important people for her, but such idea gave her a reassuring and peaceful sensation. Because they were meant to be together and nobody would be able to change that.

 

* * *

      

_“Your father loves you very much and would do anything to save you.  
But I love you in a different way. I love you enough to kill you.”_  
— Vanessa Ives (Penny Dreadful)


End file.
